Part 3 of Our December Holidays Blog Series

The cornerstone of successful family interactions during the holiday season, lies in realistic expectation setting.

So, before thinking about, what these might look like, let’s define what realistic expectations, are.

Realistic expectations feel achievable, reduce pressure, and produce consistent moments of interconnection, which then help rewire these patterns of behaviour, through prediction/error learning, aiming to improve a family’s patterns of communication and reestablish healthy boundaries.

Realistic expectations also should match age-related abilities and trajectories, as families age together, the relationship styles evolve to become less hierarchical and more about being amongst adults who are equals.

In order words, this is not the time to hash out old issues, nor heal old wounds. The family dynamics aren’t going to change overnight, as shifting these dynamics, take time and effort from all.

As you won’t be able to solve many of these issues, how can you prepare yourself?

Lower your expectations.

Prepare yourself emotionally.

Recognizing that family gatherings are inherently complex social environments.

Prepare yourself mentally by acknowledging potential triggers and developing internal coping mechanisms.

Establish personal emotional boundaries before the gathering, this is an act of self-preservation.

Identify your personal limits Communicate these limits respectfully, and remind yourself of them, as and when needed.

Maintain your consistency in the enforcement of these boundaries.

Open and honest communication becomes critical, and it’s starts with being honest with yourself.

Discuss expectations with family members in advance, creating a shared understanding of potential challenges and desired outcomes.

Avoid potential conflict points or topics. Have a contingency plan, which can be used to divert attention from critical topics of conversation.

Have a few phrases ready to deflect from subjects that you want to avoid.

Have a designated space to go to, if you need to reframe and recenter yourself emotionally.

Have an emergency plan, which can include taking the dog for a short walk.

Finding quiet moments of reflection.

Create structured interaction opportunities.

Try to be empathetic to others.

Have a predetermined exit strategies from potentially overwhelming situations.

Have an extraction plan ready, if you don’t use it, it can be used next time!!!

The ultimate goal here, of course, transcends mere conflict avoidance, to becoming all about survival.