Part 1 of Our December Holidays Blog Series

The holiday season presents a complex tapestry of emotional challenges and interpersonal dynamics that demand nuanced navigation.

As the year draws to a close, many families converge with a constellation of expectations, hopes, and potential tensions that can quickly overwhelm and destabilise even the most resilient individuals.

It’s the intersection of the idealized vision of perfect family reunions, with the harsh reality of seemingly reliving one’s childhood.
The pressure to create magical moments can transform what should be a time of joy into a crucible of emotional complexity.

I love my siblings and my parents but I also enjoy my own space, world, intersecting with extended family, under specific and controlled conditions.
This morning, speaking to my mum, something petty rose up in me, which is a great example of repeating sibling patterns, even when adults. I’m a professional and so is my brother, there is no overlap in our professional fields, and we don’t even live on the same continent. But as my mum said something about his published book, I’m afraid I went back to my childhood, where it’s really hard to compete with a genius, especially as my undiagnosed ADHD was making my academic life really hard.

My report cards were full of: could, should, must do betters, with the occasional still not reaching her potential, so on and so forth. The famous but became traumatic to say the least. I was frequently patted on the head and told: it’s ok you can be stupid because you are pretty.

Ummmm, fast forward 30 odd years and as my unpublished article’s deadline looms ever closer, I was actuallyjealous of my brother’s seemingly ease to write and produce the written word. Actually not even just produce written work, but publish it and have perfect strangers buy his book!

Do I need to compete?

Absolutely not, and where did those feelings come from? It wasn’t just my brother, it’s an enormously complex answer, whereby being called stupid or dismissed became the norm. It’s also only as an adult can I recognise the complexities involved and then start to heal these traumas.

Recognising this trigger helped me understand myself and my extended family further. It also gave me a great subject to write about.

So this month, I’m writing about families, communication and friendships as adults. I’ll be adding some tips and strategies to cope with expectations and family reunions.

Enjoy!